Why India Bruta? My Father gave me the nick name, it’s a Mexican thing, we all had one. It was the 50s, racist media programming flooded impressionable minds with horrific images of brutal savages scalping "innocent" immigrants. It fit. It stayed. Bottom line, I was intense, and there in lay my challenge.

The love of my life once told me my smile could light up a stadium. Others, on the other hand, have said that if looks could kill, they’d be dead. I have journeyed.

Again, I don't profess to have answers, nor am I presenting a how-to manual. I simply put forth the question and the challenge.

Writing this blog has forced me to become aware of my hypocrisy. If I can't manage my temper, how can I expect to harness the power of my hot flashes? Are they really that different? Lately, whenever I get "stupid", I find myself much more motivated to talk myself down from defcon 3 . I'm happy to report that I remain on path!

I don't profess to have answers. I've obviously titled my blog with the question - "why not". That's what I'm doing, putting forth the question. What is a hot flash? Beyond being an experience that grabs - absolutely grabs - your complete attention and awareness, it is also, I believe, an opportunity. Why not, seriously, why not?

It's only been less than a year for me. I can only pray that I'm as lucky as the women in my family whose flashes lasted for up to 7 years. They, of course, did not consider themselves lucky. Don't get me wrong, it's winter, and I look damn good in turtlenecks, but I accept. When it's all said and done, I may just be another "nut" out there, but damn it, I'm gonna keep trying.

I'm about 50 -50. Half the time I lose it, can't think, can't focus, don't want to hear shit, and loose myself in the drama of the fire coursing through my being. The other half, tho, I catch myself, take deep breaths, and imagine myself harnessing the energy of the flash. When I feel I've garnered enough, I intend the energy to move through and heal various areas of my body in need of healing.

Why not, seriously, why not?

1/7/10 Hi, so here goes....I've looked forward to hot flashes since I was in my 30s. Whenever I tried to share my thoughts on the matter, I was met with the same response "what are you, nuts?" The older I got, the older my circle of women, the more vehement the response. Why not? Seriously, why not? It just doesn't make sense. Our bodies are hosts to growing humans, we bleed to the cycles of the moon, we feel, we love, we touch, we smell, we hear, we sense, we perceive, we intend and yet, we're supposed to be passive when fire courses through our being?

So again I say why not? Seriously, why not? We are glorious beyond description. When you ponder the wonder that is the human body, how can we accept that we are only meant to bear"this misery."