05/06/2011 It's been quite some time since I've made an entry. So where am I with this little experiment of mine? Well, in order to go forward, I must go backward. I need to share a little story. When my youngest son was in his pre-adolescence period, I remember my fears of failure. He was such a challenge. He was powerful, fierce, intense and unbridled. I feared that if I didn't teach him to harness his energy, that he would end up like his out-of-control father. (Big, really big story there) Anyway, I used a lot of imagery. One in particular comes to mind. I remember sitting with him and asking him to visualize. Mijo, I said, can you remember seeing the way a helium balloon madly screams across the sky when it's air is released? Now think about one with a long ribbon. That ribbon is doing nothing other than hanging around for the ride. Mijo, I said, your emotions are that balloon, and you my dear boy are the ribbon.

The power surges of Menopause are similar. We have a choice. We can choose to be the ribbon and cope, endure or medicate, or we can be the balloon. We can believe that we can live in the space of that balloon, and through awareness, change the experience.

Thus far we gone from not talking about it to mitigating it. I still believe there are other possibilities and am still trying to define them??????

My approach is "evolving". It occurred to me after one particular hot flash, that perhaps the matter is not to harness the energy of a hot flash, but through repeated wake up calls (hot flashes) to wake up and become one in concert with our bodies. Mouthful, yes indeed. During this particular hot flash, I was doing my regular don't go nuts, breathe deeply, don't cast off your blankets in a desperate attempt to maintain clarity of focus when suddenly I became acutely aware of the sweat beading on my shins.

That was my ah huh moment. If I truly believed (and this is all conjecture my sisters) that I could harness, and thereby direct, the energy of a hot flash, wouldn't I possess that ability irrespective of the hot flash? I realized the latent beauty of these glorious hot flashes. We are creators, and as such, hot flashes can be viewed as simply our bodies calling out for attention and awareness. They are simply practice opportunities.

Consider all that we create without conscious awareness. So now, when I get a hot flash, I strive to simply release my instinctual biological response to regulate my body temperature, and instead allow myself to ride the wave. Every aspect of my physical being is in engaged at that moment. It's a beautiful dream, so I try to imagine and thereby extend my awareness into that engagement.

I want to share something I wrote during the time I grieved the loss of my womb. You gotta ask yourself??????

Vessels

Treasures

Portals

Women

Creators

infused;

be it man or life

we create,

we host

Vessels

Treasures

Portals

Women

Creators

conduits;

be it spore or child

we create

we host

Vessels

Treasures

Portals

Women

Creators

Creators;

biological imperative

or energetic intent

I as woman

I create

but blind came I

to these treasures,

blind came I

to this glory,

blind came I

to this power,

blind came I

to this glory

and because of this blindness

I have been severed,

severed and butchered.

Such is the way

in my time

A time when

the fires of light

continue to burn

and make shreds

of the darkened

veil that blinds us.

Such is the way

in my time.

The uterus is not so intelligent

she croaked

it's sole function to supply

blood and oxygen to the fetus

31 and yet she

held the posture of an elder.

Trained and cloned

by the teachings of her order,

scalpel in hand

she bore witness.

Such was the way in my time.

Why India Bruta? My Father gave me the nick name, it’s a Mexican thing, we all had one. It was the 50s, racist media programming flooded impressionable minds with horrific images of brutal savages scalping "innocent" immigrants. It fit. It stayed. Bottom line, I was intense, and there in lay my challenge.

The love of my life once told me my smile could light up a stadium. Others, on the other hand, have said that if looks could kill, they’d be dead. I have journeyed.

Again, I don't profess to have answers, nor am I presenting a how-to manual. I simply put forth the question and the challenge.

Writing this blog has forced me to become aware of my hypocrisy. If I can't manage my temper, how can I expect to harness the power of my hot flashes? Are they really that different? Lately, whenever I get "stupid", I find myself much more motivated to talk myself down from defcon 3 . I'm happy to report that I remain on path!

I don't profess to have answers. I've obviously titled my blog with the question - "why not". That's what I'm doing, putting forth the question. What is a hot flash? Beyond being an experience that grabs - absolutely grabs - your complete attention and awareness, it is also, I believe, an opportunity. Why not, seriously, why not?

It's only been less than a year for me. I can only pray that I'm as lucky as the women in my family whose flashes lasted for up to 7 years. They, of course, did not consider themselves lucky. Don't get me wrong, it's winter, and I look damn good in turtlenecks, but I accept. When it's all said and done, I may just be another "nut" out there, but damn it, I'm gonna keep trying.

I'm about 50 -50. Half the time I lose it, can't think, can't focus, don't want to hear shit, and loose myself in the drama of the fire coursing through my being. The other half, tho, I catch myself, take deep breaths, and imagine myself harnessing the energy of the flash. When I feel I've garnered enough, I intend the energy to move through and heal various areas of my body in need of healing.

Why not, seriously, why not?

1/7/10 Hi, so here goes....I've looked forward to hot flashes since I was in my 30s. Whenever I tried to share my thoughts on the matter, I was met with the same response "what are you, nuts?" The older I got, the older my circle of women, the more vehement the response. Why not? Seriously, why not? It just doesn't make sense. Our bodies are hosts to growing humans, we bleed to the cycles of the moon, we feel, we love, we touch, we smell, we hear, we sense, we perceive, we intend and yet, we're supposed to be passive when fire courses through our being?

So again I say why not? Seriously, why not? We are glorious beyond description. When you ponder the wonder that is the human body, how can we accept that we are only meant to bear"this misery."